MAY 23, 2011

three more days of work until summer vacation. four days until my blurb book arrives in the mail. thirteen days until the futon we order ships. thirty days until i visit my dad. one hundred and five days until our ivf.

yes, it might be a little obsessive but it helps keep things moving. one hundred and five sounds like a big number, but it really isn’t. i thought about making a paper chain once we reach 99 days. we’ll see if that happens.

MAY 15, 2011

there was a hop in my step for the past couple of days. this thing that andreas and i have been working so hard towards was an itty-bitty-teeny-tiny possibility this month. we decided to wait it out a couple of days and see what happens. i thought it would over-consume me, i thought i wouldn’t be able to bare the wait after the first day. but i did. a couple times i remembered and said to myself “what if this is it”. we talked about how to use the money we have saved up. we laughed a little bit more and A walked around with the biggest boyish grin on his face. i didn’t allow myself to pick paint colors and middle names just yet, but i gave myself a little permission to dream a little. it all felt too easy.

this story ends with us still hoping to become a family a three. we are back to waiting. waiting for september when our ivf will happen. waiting for the point when we have to pick paint colors and middle names. waiting. all the while i see a world of people moving ahead.